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Things not to say to a biker

Here are 7 of our reasons (plus an extra one) you shouldn't tell a thoroughbred biker.


Space for the movie.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A BLOODY BIKER

1. DOES THE RUBBER DEFLATE?

Classic ride in the company of riders: fully thrilled the thoroughbred biker pulls down the mountain bike and, at a certain point, the friend jumps out with a: "but your tire is flat?". Never say such a sentence.

And here comes conspiracy theories, dry latex, defending oneself by attacking the friend and making him notice that his rubber seems more deflated (bluffing like a Texas Hold'Em player). At a certain point the fear arrives in the biker: "and if it is really a puncture since the bike has been standing in the garage for a month?" And here the panic starts, out of the pump and off for inflation. Too bad that then the friend increases the dose with: “but isn't it too swollen? Today we ride on rocky terrain! " all, of course, seasoned with theories on the ideal pressure, the state of the path etc. Result: an hour to leave and friend, with a questionable Anglo-Saxon accent, removed from the column.

2. WAXING

Never mention waxing in vain to a thoroughbred biker.

3. ARE YOU FAT?

Show up after the long winter break and hear your friend say: "Are you gaining weight?" it is the worst business card in the eyes of a cross country biker, worse than the latex stains in the new FOX pants. The cross country biker at that point will rattle off data on energy, soy-based protein foods, zone diets (i.e. diets based on where he is), watts in line with the professionals (pity that they deliver them after 6 hours of racing) and much more.

The friend, bored, listens very distracted even if, out of the corner of his eye, he notices a worrying swelling in the abdomen of the cross country biker, promptly resolved.

4. DO WE HAVE A SESSION ON THE ROLLERS?

An unfortunate situation where the thoroughbred biker asks his old road rider friend, whom he hasn't seen since middle school, for advice on how to stay fit during the harsh winter. The road rider friend, with the style of those who go strong the third week, will begin to rattle off futuristic training theory, talking about high intensity cardio workouts and closing with: “Shall we do a session on the rollers? I'm starting to catch up with you. "

The biker, naive in his usual training plan consisting of hops on the spot and stern glances at the mug of beer, ventures into the magical world of rollers. After 2200m covered, of which 1100m of warm up, he gets off the vehicle and opts for an exit in the mud.

5. DO YOU TAKE ME ON YOUR TRAIL?

a sentence that precedes the mental death of a neophyte: never tell a local biker in bomb, especially if a friend, to go on his favorite trail. The Local Biker will never say no, and will also diminish this descent, with phrases such as: "yes it's a simple trail, I use it right to warm up". Of course the path is worthy of a World Cup race and the Local with the cock waiting for the neophyte, with an advance at the first corner that not even Richie Rude. If the reunification arrives at the end of the path, it is only because the local Biker, pitying, will stop before a final drop with phrases such as: "but do it, it's low, nothing difficult", not thinking that the highest jump made by the neophyte it was the day of the first communion coming out from the pavement of the oratory.

6. HOW MUCH DOES YOUR BIKE WEIGHT?

It's a beautiful day, finally sunny after so many rainy days, and here the thoroughbred biker meets his dear friend. They argue about the new bike, many compliments but in the end the friend comes up with a: "but how much does the bike weigh?" Never ask this question to a biker, who will always find himself with a weight higher than the declared one despite the 12000 € spent. Worse still if the dose is increased with a "but it's heavy". So then the thoroughbred biker could promptly answer: "your sister is heavy too", forgetting that the sister suffers from obesity and thus putting an end to a friendship that lasted years.

7. BUT YOUR BIKE DOESN'T MAKE NOISE?

It is known that MTBs stop being silent the moment they leave the door of the store where it was purchased. But confronting a thoroughbred biker with a: “your bike makes noise” can make him angry and he may respond with a “your sister makes noise”, forgetting that the sister suffers from sudden flatulence.

EXTRA. THE ASCENT ENDS SOON

We give you an extra trick concerning the world on the road: never tell a road racer that the climb ends soon, unless it is true that it ends after a few hundred meters. Better the evergreen: "on top there is full of f ** a"

With this I hope to have taught you some tricks to keep you friends with a thoroughbred biker, an increasingly rare breed in the world cycling scene.

Video featured in episode # 44



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